


The Birthday Weekend

by Olsies



Category: Gilmore Girls, Ten Inch Hero
Genre: Birthdays, F/F, F/M, M/M, ice cream kings, ice cream queens, ruined birthday cake, terrible birthdays, trans guy priestly, trans!priestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:02:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3487535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olsies/pseuds/Olsies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During Luke's birthday weekend, everything that could go wrong with a dessert does.  Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Birthday Weekend

The bus pulled up in Stars Hollow and Jess felt like he might be sick. The only thing that had really changed about the small town was Taylor had opened an old fashioned ice cream parlor--Rory and Luke had both warned him of this. Sitting next to him, his boyfriend Priestly was watching him.

“This it?” Priestly asked and Jess nodded.

“We can still get out of this…” Jess said, but Priestly just chuckled and kissed Jess.

“No… I wanna meet Luke.” He took Jess’s hand as the bus came to a complete stop.

“If Stars Hollow is your final destination, please make sure to get all your luggage from the curb. The rest of you, we will be taking a ten minute break…” The bus driver said. They got up and grabbed their bags. They got off the bus and Rory jumped to her feet when she saw them.

“Jess!” She hugged him and Priestly took a minute to look around. The town was like something out of the Twilight Zone. “Hey, Priestly!” Rory hugged him. “You both remember my girlfriend, Paris…” Paris crossed her arms and waved.

“I promised to behave…” Paris growled. Rory blushed a little.

“Anyways, welcome!” Let’s get you both to Luke’s…” She took Paris’s hand and they led the way. Most of the town stopped to gawk at Priestly, what with his green double mohawk, facial piercings, neck tattoo, smudged eyeliner, black nail polish, heavy boots, and long blue kilt. Jess saw Miss Patty and Babbette talking and he tried to walk past them without making eye contact, but Taylor was coming towards them.

“Oh gawd…” Jess groaned. “Priestly, I am so sorry for what is about to--” But then Taylor began to speak.

“Jess! Rory! People I don’t know! I’ve been looking for you!”

“You knew Jess’s bus was--” Rory started but Taylor cut her off.

“We are hosting the Tenth Annual Ice Cream Extravaganza, and the town thought it would be great if our first Ice Cream Queen returned.”

“Oh… When? Why did you need Jess?” Rory asked.

“Later this evening, and I was thinking with Dean gone, we have an opening for Ice Cream King…”

“Oh… I--I don’t--”

“I’m Rory’s girlfriend,” Paris butt in. “You know this Mr. Doose. We’ve met _seven_ times…”

“We can’t have--”

“You’re being extremely rude to me, to Rory, to Jess, and to Jess’s boyfriend. Now while normally I would fully encourage rudeness to Jess and Priestly, I cannot stand homophobia. I should call the HRC right now! I bet they would--”

“Paris, I-- It simply isn’t done like-- No-- We--” Paris glared at him, arms still crossed. “Emergency town meeting!” Taylor yelled and Paris smirked. “Go run and drop your stuff off. Tell Luke and Lorelai that we meet in FIVE MINUTES! EMERGENCY TOWN MEETING IN FIVE MINUTES!” They walked to the diner and Luke frowned a little when he heard Taylor’s panicked voice.

“You haven’t even been here five minutes…” Luke laughed. “What did you do to him?” Kirk rushed in staring at his watch.

“Emergency town meeting in three minutes, forty seconds! Thirty-nine! Thirty-eight! Thirty-seven!” He left, still counting.

“Emergency-- What?” Luke made a face.

“Ice Cream Queen drama,” Rory explained.

“Ah…” Luke frowned. “Do-- Should I--?”

“Probably… Just to be safe…” Rory said. Jess led Priestly upstairs to the office where Luke had already agreed to let them stay while Luke stayed with Lorelai for the weekend. Jess highly doubted whether Luke and Lorelai would ever _really_ live together, but they were happy with the arrangement they had, and that’s all Jess really cared about. Throwing their bags down, Jess flopped on a chair, head in his hands.

“Wow these people are freaks…” Priestly laughed.

“This was such a mistake…” Jess sighed and turned to go back downstairs, Priestly following him close behind.

“What was with that _guy_? Ice Cream Queen? and why is Paris “Control-Freak’ Gellar here? Rory’s great but…”

“Taylor is the town selectman, which means he annoys the towns people. All the time. And Paris is here for the same reason the rest of us are here: Luke’s birthday. I told you…”

“Did you?” Priestly thought for a moment and shrugged as he followed Jess down the stairs and out the diner. “Where-- We’re not _actually_ going to that meeting, are we?” He whined and Jess shrugged a little.

“If we don’t, Taylor will just have someone come after us… It’s just easier if we go…”

“Thirty-seven seconds, people! Thirty-six, thirty-five!” Kirk yelled running down the main road.

“What’s _his_ story?” Priestly asked, and Jess just laughed.

“Dude, you don’t even want to know... “ They entered Miss Patty’s where the whole town had assembled. The crowd stopped talking when they saw Priestly who simply stared back at them until Jess took his hand and they went to find seats.

“Oh, no, Jess, If you could just join us up here? Thank you…” Taylor dragged Jess to the front of the room leaving Priestly alone. He glanced towards Jess’s uncle and sat with him. A woman came over to them.

“You’re in my seat…” She said.

“Lorelai, this is Priestly…” Luke explained.

“I don’t care, he’s in my seat…” Priestly got up and let her sit. “Thank you…” She braided her fingers through Luke’s. “I’m Lorelai Gilmore, by the way…”

“Rory’s mom, right?” Priestly held out his hand to shake hers and Lorelai nodded. “Priestly.” Their conversation was cut short when Taylor hushed the crowd.

“Now, I’m sure you’re all wondering what we’re doing here. I’m sorry to inform you that tonight’s Ice Cream Extravaganza is in danger.”

“What?!” Everyone yelled.

“Did you forget to order the ice cream?” Babbette asked.

“The cones?” Gypsy suggested.

“Oh, gawd! We have no chocolate syrup!” Kirk shrieked, turned pure white, and covered his face with his hands as he sat heavily on the stage.

“No, it’s none of that!” Taylor exclaimed. “Worse!”

“Honey, what could possibly be _worse_?!” Miss Patty demanded.

“We need to-- There has been a call to break with tradition and not have one but two Ice Cream Queens. As Rory is dating a young woman, perhaps we _should_ have two Queens…”

“But Taylor, who will be the king? Who will--” Kirk started, and Paris jumped to her feet, grabbing the microphone.

“I am more than prepared to fill _any_ duty that an Ice Cream King would do.”

“Be that as that may,” Taylor tugged the microphone back. “We have to break with tradition.” The town blinked at him.

“Why is this an emergency?” Lorelai asked.

“Because all the banners read _King_ and Queen,” Taylor scoffed.

“Well, what if we have two Queens and two Kings?” Babbette put in. “Yeah! Jess could be king one, and that cute hunk he brought with him could be King two…” Babbette growled a little. Taylor’s lip twitched like he wanted to say something but thought better of it.

“Well…” He finally managed looking towards Jess, who stared at Priestly who sat next to Lorelai shaking his head frantically, _no_.

“I second that motion!” Miss Patty called out looking back at Priestly, winking at him.

“I-- I don’t think--” Jess started but then everyone began talking over him, and someone shoved Priestly towards the front of the room. Flinching, he rushed up to where Jess stood and glared at him a little.

“What do you gentlemen say?” Taylor asked. Priestly kept shaking his head _no_ , but then Rory nudged Jess, whispering something in his ear.

“Ok,” Jess said grabbing Priestly’s hand and taking the microphone. “We’ll do it…” There was scattered applause from the crowd as Priestly cursed under his breath.

Three hours later, Priestly stood in Lorelai’s living room as she fitted him for a robe. All he wanted was to go back to Luke’s, drink about six beers and pass out. Lorelai stuck another pin in his robe.

“I can’t fucking--” Lorelai glanced at him and he scowled. “I can’t friggin’ believe I’m doing this. What the fu-- What even, Jess?” Priestly scowled.

“Look, you do this and then they’ll love you…” Paris said. “Plus, Mr. Anal Retentive--” Priestly laughed and she made a face at him-- “will let me and Rory be Queens.”

“I’m surprised you care at all,” Jess said.

“Well, she is royalty after all… A royal pain in my ass--Owe!” He turned and glared at Lorelai who had stuck him in the butt with a pin.

“Whoops, sorry. Hand slipped…” She held up her hands in mock surrender.

“Yeah, right…” Priestly groaned and she stuck him again. “Am I done yet?”

“Yeah.” Lorelai got up and pulled off his cape. “Be back by five…” The others’ robes had already been done, so they left together quickly.

“On a scale of one to you want to kill me, how pissed are you?” Jess asked taking his hand as they walked through the town square.

“You’re six feet under, dude…” Priestly said not looking at him. Jess bit his lip.

“I just thought if they were staring at you for this…” Priestly sighed.

“Let’s just get back to your uncle’s so I can take off this fucking binder…”

“You still wearing the blue one?” The blue binder was the tightest one Priestly owned. He nodded.

“Didn’t have much time to take it off on the bus, or since we’ve been here…” They fell silent as they approached the diner and Priestly nodded at Luke as they headed up to the office. Jess Locked the door as Priestly dug through his duffle and found a shirt that read ‘Eat Me’ as he tugged off his tight shirt and binder. Jess brushed past him, kissing his naked shoulder.

“Want to take a bath?” Jess asked. Priestly dropped the shirts, nodding.

“Your uncle have bubbles?” Jess laughed a little.

“Doubtful. I can run to the--”

“No, stay,” he said grabbing Jess’s arm. “Stay…” They ended up taking a bath together, both of them relaxing for the first time since they got on the bus. They showered after their bath, Jess helping him wash all the glue and gel from his hair.

“Should I have a double or a single hawk?” He asked and Jess shrugged.

“Will you have time for a double?” Priestly considered this for a moment.

“Probably,” he said rinsing his head and turning off the water. They got out and dried off. “Do we have time for a nap?” Priestly asked as he tugged on his T-shirt and Jess checked the time.

“It’s almost three…” He said flopping on the bed, naked. Priestly pulled on some boxers and flopped next to Jess. “We really shouldn’t…” Priestly sighed and cupped Jess’s ass.

“Well do we at least have time for…?” He squeezed Jess’s ass and Jess smiled a little. Rolling to his side, Jess cupped Priestly’s chin, kissing him.

_Knock, knock, knock!_

“Jess! Priestly!” It was Rory. “I’m really sorry, but my mom wants to do the final fitting now so she can have dinner with Luke, and--” Priestly started scrambling around for his clothes as Jess rubbed his face.

“We’ll be out in a few minutes,” Jess called as he watched Priestly grab his kilt, jock strap, and a binder as he rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door closed behind him.

“Ok, no real rush.” Rory paused. “I’ll be downstairs... “ Priestly came out and pulled his shirt on.

“I don’t have time to do my _fucking_ hair,” he groaned and pulled out his eyeliner, rushing back to the bathroom. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

“We’ll have time after to come back so you can do your hair…” Jess called back as he got dressed. A few minutes later, they met up with Rory at Miss Patty’s. The following forty five minutes proved to test all of Jess’s limited patience with the town of Stars Hollow. Taylor and Priestly argued back and for over whether or not they would dye or cut Priestly’s hair.

“You come near me with that dye and you can kiss this Ice King goodbye!” Priestly yelled holding up a chair while Taylor hid behind Kirk who stood holding a bottle of brown dye in front of him.

“Taylor! Let the kid wear his hair however he likes it!” Luke grunted as he fought with a paper mache ice cream cone.

“Come on.” Jess tugged on Priestly’s arm and they went back to the diner where Lane was in charge. Rushing up the stairs, Priestly barely saw her, but Jess stayed down stairs to talk to Lane and play with her babies. Priestly came down half an hour later, hair up and looking much calmer. “Lane, this is my boyfriend, Priestly; Priestly, this is Lane. She’s Rory’s best friend.” They nodded at each other. “Are you coming to this social disaster?” Jess asked Lane.

“No. Fortunately, I’m stuck here…” Lane said. “Just remember, Luke has giant waffles in the back…” She turned as a new customer came in and they boys left with a small wave. They walked, once again, to Miss Patty’s where Lorelai put the robes on them and they stood in silence waiting with Paris and Rory for Taylor to announce them.

Twenty minutes later, Taylor finally called them on stage, and they marched out in front of the whole town. Priestly couldn’t figure out why this was such a big deal. He’d never seen so many people come together for ice cream they had to _pay_ for, but then again, the smallest town he’d ever lived in was Santa Cruz. Rory and Paris gave speeches that Priestly ignored, and even Jess thanked them for putting up with his bullshit as a teenage. When Jess handed Priestly the microphone, Jess felt his stomach flip. He held his hand over the mic and leaned towards Taylor.

“This wasn’t-- I don’t-- I can’t--” Priestly stammered.

“ _You have to do this. Now! Hurry! People are waiting!_ ” Taylor growled. Priestly swallowed hard and turned back to the waiting town, smiling a little, still feeling sick.

“Uh. You don’t know me. I’m Priestly, and I’m dating Jess. I’m gonna keep this short… ‘Cause I have no idea what to say… So… I scream--”

“You scream! We all scream for ICE CREAM!” The town shouted and Priestly handed the microphone to someone else as ice cream vendors began wandering through the crowd.

Once everyone had diverted their attention, Priestly leaned towards Jess. “You couldn’t have warned me about that?”

“You think I would have gotten you out of Luke’s if you knew that was coming?” Jess asked as Rory and Paris came over to them, smiling and holding out cones for them. Rory laughed a little at Priestly.

“The town loves you because you stole Taylor’s line and kept your speech so short…” She said.

“Regular Stars Hollow Hero,” Lorelai said coming up with Luke. “Thanks for keeping it PG.”

“How long do we have to be here?” Jess asked Luke who shrugged as Lorelai made a face. “We’ve been up for almost twenty-four hours, and--”

“Ah.” Lorelai looked around. “Just go get your pictures taken for the Ice Cream Court, thank Taylor--” Jess and Priestly made faces and Luke laughed. “Yeah, we know. And then we’ll cover for you if anyone asks after you.” Jess, Priestly, Rory, and Paris all went to get their pictures taken, but immediately Taylor tried to separate the men from the women and both Paris and Priestly started yelling.

“I did not agree so you could--” Priestly shouted.

“I _will_ call the HRC! I will!” Paris crossed her arms, tugging out of Rory’s reach.

“Yes, but TRADITION DICTATES--” Taylor shouted over both of them. Kirk stood near them snapping pictures of the whole fiasco until Priestly grabbed his camera, tugging it away and tossing it to the ground where it shattered.

“You owe me two hundred dollars!” Kirk yelled, produced another camera, and continued snapping pictures as Jess and Rory pulled Priestly back. Paris tugged her phone out of her purse and began dialing.

“Fine! Fine!” Taylor yelled. “Just stand together and we’ll just make due.” He ushered them together in a group, none of them smiling, and as soon as Kirk snapped a picture, Priestly shrugged out of his cloak, grabbed Jess’s hand, and rushed them back to Luke’s ignoring Taylor and Kirk shouted about not being done as they followed them.

“Priestly! Jess! We need one of you smiling!” Taylor called.

“Babe, you left your robe!” Babbette called. Priestly groaned and Jess took his hand as they took off. The whole town chased after them as Jess dragged Priestly all over everywhere, losing his robe he didn’t even know when. Eventually they ended up stumbling into some woods and managed to lose most of the town. They got really lost before stumbling out into a parking lot for an inn.

“Whoa!” Jess said. “I think this is Lorelai’s…” Someone drove past and they all ducked behind some cars. Jess pulled out his cell and called Rory. She answered on the third ring.

“Where the heck are you guys?” She asked.

“The Dragonfly Inn. Is this your mom’s place? It’s gorgeous!”

“Ah! Yes! It is! The town is-- I can bring your bags and I’ll have my mom call Michel so he can get you a good, free room.”

“Thanks, Rory…” Jess said. They hung up and Jess turned to Priestly. “One more asshole and then cable and a big bed, ok?” Taking his hand, Jess kissed Priestly’s cheek, and they went into the inn.

“Hello, welcome to the Dragonfly Inn-- Oh. Jess. It is just you…” Michel said. Jess noded a little at him as the phone rang. “Dragonfly Inn, this is--” He paused. “Yes, they just walked in.” He paused again. “Lorelai, we cannot do that… Lorelai… Lore-- Have you seen--” He pursed his lips. “Fine.” He set the phone back in the cradle and began typing on the computer. “Room 417. It’s a little small, but it has a great view, and is close to an emergency exit so you can leave in a hurry…” He handed over a key. “Also, Lorelai said if you were hungry, room service was on her…” Jess took the key.

“Tell Rory when she comes…” He said and they went upstairs. Immediately Priestly shoved his face into the pillows, too exhausted to even channel surf. Jess peed and stretched out next to Priestly. “I’m sorry this is turning into such a shit storm…” Crawling closer, Priestly shoved his face into Jess’s armpit.

“It’s not your fault your uncle live in an alternate universe where everyone--” Someone knocked on the door.

“It’s Rory and Paris!” Jess got up and let them in.

“Are you covered in--?” He started.

“Ice cream? Yep! And it is all because of you!” Paris threw the bag she was carrying to the ground.

“I take it the whole town is still pissed?” Jess asked.

“In my whole life I don’t think I’ve seen them so divided…” Rory plopped on the bed and Priestly shoved his face in her shoulder. “You two ok?” She asked stroking the side of Priestly’s head. Priestly mumbled something into her shoulder. “I’ll go see if Sookie can make you a burger…”

“Sookie makes hamburger now?” Jess asked.

“Well… It might be a lamb burger, but…” Jesse laughed as Rory left, leaving Paris to glare at the TV.

“Why--?” Jess started.

“Because Taylor isn’t going to let us stay in town without knowing where you are, and I am under strict instructions to not tell them, so Rory and I are staying next door…” Paris didn’t even look away from the TV.

“Ah,” Jess said. “Thanks.” They stood in awkward silence. “Why don’t you go take a shower?” Paris made a face, arms crossed over her chest.

“Lorelais has to bring our stuff _and_ lose Taylor,” Paris muttered.

“Why didn’t--” Priestly started but Paris just glared at him until he put his head back down. About twenty minute later, Rory returned with lamb burgers, garlic fries, and sodas. They ate quietly and eventually Luke showed up with the girls’ bags.

“Sorry about all this…” He said hugging Rory.

“Not your fault. I blame Taylor,” she said with a small shrug.

“Do you guys need anything else?” Luke asked, and Rory shook her head, no.

“Just send my mother my love.” She kissed Luke’s cheek and he patted her head a little.

“See you all tomorrow…” He left. After finishing eating rather quickly, Rory and Paris went to their room, leaving the boys alone. Priestly lay on his stomach, refusing to move.

“You gonna get undressed?” Jess asked and Priestly grunted, rolling onto his back.

“Help me,” Priestly groaned holding out his foot. Jesse laughed and leaned down to undo his boyfriend’s boot, quickly stripping him down to his underwear.

“Sit up so I can help you out of the binder…” Priestly sat up and together they worked the other piece off. “Want a tank?” Jess asked, throwing the binder aside, but Priestly shook his head, no. Flopping on his stomach, Priestly spread out over the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

The next morning Jess woke up to Priestly kissing his neck and murmuring softly for him to wake up. Jess yawned and pulled Priestly closer. At some point during the night he’d put a shirt on, but he was all soft and pliable and _so_ mouthy. _So_ mouthy. Eventually he shoved Jess’s soft sleep shirt up, peppering his chest with soft kisses that he trailed down Jess’s torso until he got to Jess’s hard, leaking cock. Prisestly nuzzled at the base of Jess’s cock, brushing his lips softly against Jess’s balls as Priestly stroked his dick slowly. So slowly. Jess moaned. Loudly.

_Knock, knock, knock!_

Both men jerked, their hearts hammering in their chests.

“Jess? Priestly? It’s Taylor Doose! I’ve come to apologize.” Priestly stared at Jess who held his hands up in confusion and exasperation. “I have brought waffles from Luke’s as proof of my sincerity, as well as a gift card for free ice cream…” Priestly rolled his eyes and got up as Jess rolled on his side pretending to be asleep.

“Fork over the waffles,” Priestly instructed upon opening the door. Taylor glared at him a little as he held out the waffles.

“I am truly sorry,” Taylor said as Priestly nodded and moved to close the door, but Taylor stopped him.

“Thanks for the waffles, Taylor…” Priestly tried to shove the door closed, but Taylor refused to move.

“I need to ask you once more to please consider getting your pictures taken…” Taylor spat out.

“No thanks,” Priestly said. “Please leave…” They glared at each other.

“Fifty bucks,” Taylor offered.

“One-twenty-five.” Taylor made a noise of disgust.

“Seventy-five.”

“One-seventy-five…” Priestly countered, enjoying the several shades of red Taylor was turning.

“Wha-- Bu-- I--”

“Two hundred. A pieces…” Priestly tried and laughed as Taylor cursed out loud.

“There is nothing in the-- One hundred a piece…” Taylor finally managed.

“Same deal for the girls?” Priestly asked. Taylor sighed and nodded. “Deal.” Priestly held out his free hand and Taylor shook it, and left looking rather defeated, but Priestly didn’t care because suddenly he and his boyfriend were up two hundred bucks and they had waffles. They watched _Supernatural_ on TV, laughing about how Priestly looked like a cooler, hotter Dean.

After the girls woke up several hours later, Rory drove them all back into town where Luke was starting lunch while Taylor and Kirk argued with another man. Jess, Priestly, Paris, and Rory had barely sat when a blonde woman came in with a small child.

“Jess! Oh my goodness! What are you doing here?” The woman hugged him. “And you must be Priestly!” She said tugging him close.

“No offense, but who the hell are you?” Priestly asked squirming out of her grip.

“I’m Liz! Jess’s mom!” She let go of Jess and smiled at them. “Doula! Come--”

“Jess!” The girl shrieked jumping into her brother’s arms.

“Mom! What-- I thought--” Jess started and Liz pinched her son’s cheek.

“You _honestly_ thought I’d miss my big brother’s birthday?” She laughed a little as Jesse turned to glare a little at his uncle while Doula turned her attention to the stranger in this group.

“This is Priestly, my boyfriend,” Jess explained. Doula studied him for a long moment.

“Can I touch your hair?” She finally asked. Priestly let out a breath didn’t know he’d been holding and leaned forward so she could touch his hawk. “How?”

“Glue. Lots and lots of glue…” She considered him for a moment.

“Mom--”

“Absolutely not!” Liz laughed as Luke came over to them.

“You all ready to order?” He asked.

“Two coffees, please,” Rory said, smiling.

“Cheeseburger and fries,” Jess said.

“Same,” Priestly echoed. “Can I have a Diet Coke with lime to drink?” Luke made a face but nodded. Doula climbed into Priestly’s lap so she could rub the side of his head as Liz pulled up a couple more chairs. A large woman with a bandana covering her short braids came in followed by a tall man, both of them carrying large cakes.

“Luke, where would you like your cakes?” She asked.

“You can put one on the end of the counter, Sookie, and have Jess take the other one up to the apartment…” The man turned and Jess took the cake.

“Thanks, Jackson,” Jess said and rushed up the stairs as he heard Jackson comment on Priestly’s hair. He shoved it on a table and then rushed back downstairs in time to hear Liz tell Doula off for touching Priestly’s neck tattoo. Jess sat next to Priestly and took Doula who smiled up at him. She was probably too old to be happy being passed around, but she didn’t argue to sitting on her brother’s lap. Lane came over a few minutes later with their food and drinks. Doula immediately stole Jess’s pickles and a handful of fries.

“You and Doula going to have the usual?” Lane asked.

“Mommy, can I have hot chocolate?” Doula asked.

“Not today, Doula, and thanks Lane, but we already ate lunch…” Liz said turning to talk to Priestly.

“So tell me about yourself… What do you do? Where are you from?” She asked.

“Born and raised in Santa Cruz. I work there part time at a sandwich shop…” Priestly said.

“And what do you do with the rest of your time?” Liz asked.

“Whatever the hell I want…” Liz made a face as Doula giggled.

“How is the book coming?” Liz asked Jess.

“Other than the fact that my publisher has sent it back for a fifth round of revisions?” Paris hissed.

“That sucks… Who is your publisher? Are you interested in finding a new one?” She asked and Jess shrugged.

“It’s a small publishing house that I’ve worked at for years,” Jess explained. “They just want to make sure it’s perfect because they don’t have money to reprint if something gets fuh--messed up…”

“You almost said a bad word,” Doula pointed out, and Jess ruffled her hair.

“Really? I had no idea…” Jess teased and Doula giggled. When they were almost done with their food, Babbette and Miss Patty came in and _literally_ dragged Luke out of the restaurant. As soon as he was gone Lorelai came in carrying some large boxes, and everyone in the restaurant set to work decorating the diner with streamers and balloons and a giant banner. Sookie and Jackson came back to set up some food and the cake while Lorelai put Jess and Priestly to work setting up a table for presents.

Bye the time Luke got back, most of the town was there, and the diner itself was almost unrecognizable. Sputtering and blushing, Luke attempted to slip away, but Lorelai jumped on his back and refused to get off until he went back in the restaurant, ignoring his protests that there were too many people in the diner and it was a safety violation. Everyone was talking loudly, laughing, wishing Luke a happy birthday when Priestly dragged Jess up the stairs into Luke’s apartment, kissing him the whole way up the stairs.

“How much time you think we got?” Priestly asked reaching into one of his pockets for a condom and lube.

“Enough,” Jess said shoving his pants down as Priestly hopped on the table, pants down around his ankles.

“Then go faster.” He opened the lube and slid his fingers between his legs to work himself open while Jess put the condom on. He slid into Priestly with one smooth movement causing Priestly to gasp. “Fuck…” He wrapped his arms around Jess’s neck, pulling him close to kiss him as the other man fucked into him. The table scraped on the floor but they ignored it, too wrapped up in what they were doing.

“Shit, shit!” Jess groaned trying to keep quiet while Priestly shoved his face into Jess’s neck, gasping for breath. They didn’t hear the cake splatter to the floor, and they didn’t hear the door open behind them.

“What’re- Are- I’m- Excuse me!” Luke muttered slamming the door closed. Priestly shoved Jess off of him and pulled his pants up as Jess rushed to the bathroom. “Look, I- For right now, I just want the cake…”

“The cake?” Priestly asked, his heart still jackhammering in his chest.

“Yeah… Jess brought it up earlier…” Priestly looked around as Jess came out of the bathroom and they both spotted the cake at the same time.

“Shit…” Priestly muttered as he rushed to the cake, but Jess just opened the door.

“Hi, Luke… I haven’t- I haven’t actually wished you a happy birthday yet, have I?” Jess asked.

“Look, on the one hand, whatever ‘cause you’re a grown up, but on the other hand, ON MY TABLE, JESS? REALLY? WHERE I EAT?!” Jess flinched a little but said nothing. “Just give me the cake, and I’ll-” He watched as Priestly opened the cake box and grimace at the completely destroyed cake. “Really? Fucking really?”

“Uncle Luke, you said a bad word!” Doula shouted as she came rushing up the stairs.

“Sorry you heard that, sweetheart; let’s go back-”

“Where’s the cake?” Doula asked.

“Jess and Priestly dropped it on the floor…” Luke explained as he took Doula back down stairs. “They’re going to clean it up before they come back downstairs though…” He said pointedly. Priestly blushed a little and Jess just mumbled an apology. As soon as they were gone, both of them started working to clean up the cake that had escaped the box and to scrub down the kitchen table.

“You’d think we were a couple of horny teenagers…” Priestly mumbled and Jess smirked a little before kissing Priestly’s head.

“What’s sad is that this isn’t even the worst thing I’ve ever done to Luke…” Priestly laughed and made a face.

“You’re horrible…” He teased and Jess nodded.

“That’s why you love me,” he said as they finished up.

Apparently there would be no birthday song because Doula had convinced Kirk into giving her some of the cake from downstairs even though it was the birthday song cake, and so basically, so far as Lorelai and Sookie were concerned, Luke’s party was a disaster. Downstairs, Sookie outright ignored them, Lorelai glowered at them, and Rory laughed at them despite being slightly annoyed because now the visit was tainted with one of Lorelai’s foul moods. Both Miss Patty and Babbette were deeply shocked and couldn’t stop talking about how rumors of what had happened to the cake. Paris was surprisingly amused by the whole goings on, but refused to show any signs of it lest Lorelai cast her death gaze upon Paris herself.

Priestly found himself counting down the seconds till he could get back on the Greyhound and get the hell out of Stars Hollow.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I totally headcanon Lorelai as lithromantic in that she _feels_ the romantic attraction, she just can't deal with reciprocating it after a certain point. All of her relationships end when she's about to get married, and even during her relationship with Luke, I think he still stayed at the diner a lot more than not... So, basically, the way their relationship works is that they are together, very committed, but not married, and not living together although they do spend a lot of nights together, but they switch back and forth. At first it of course caused a lot of drama with the town, but they are all mostly used to it soooooooo...  
>  ~~~  
> So far as Priestly goes, he's a trans dude in stealth mode, and IDEC what you have to say about it, because that's what happens in the movie. I promise.  
> ~~~  
> Come talk to me on [tumblr](http://acederekmchaleinski.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Also, this was super unbeta'd. ^___^


End file.
